Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
