Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My feet surprised me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
