I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
