Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
