You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
