To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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