fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
