New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
