2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
