Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
