So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
