a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bring money and cleavage
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
