He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
