Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
