I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
