woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
