I want to have your abortion
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
