He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His nipple licking is glorious
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