real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
