What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
