You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
