You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
