Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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