She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
