So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
