haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i think my cat just said my name.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
