The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
