btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
