pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
