I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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