Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize