wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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