What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
