My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
