I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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