I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
