i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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