The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
