the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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