i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
