just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
