got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is the high leading the old right now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
