Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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