Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
