Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
