how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I did not marry a roomba.
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