Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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