made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They have beer where we have blood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
