Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is wine microwaveable?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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