What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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