He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
