he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize