i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
