I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
