He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
