Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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