I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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