it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
