I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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