the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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