Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.

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(310): View more from California

Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to

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(248): View more from Michigan

New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

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(305): View more from Florida

he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.

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(217): View more from Illinois

He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.

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(727): View more from Florida

It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.

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