I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
