ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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