Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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