No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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