it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
