i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
