he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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