addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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