I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
