god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
