She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
